I am so sick and tired of boys who text instead of call.
Not only text instead of call, but who text
really sweet, buttery, romantic crap and then not talk that way in real life.
I am so sick of boys. Not men...
Little boys.
Cowards who just text crap.
If you think I am worth flowers and poems...then where are they?
I don't see the poems or smell the flowers.
Cowards.
Sorry about ranting, but I have a feeling that
boys will always be boys and never real men.
I just hope that one day soon, God sends the one,
the one that changes my sad, hopeless perspective.
Sadly, I guess that's what happens when you have been hurt so badly.
I definitely know there's a fairy tale for me...
But the wait is killing me.
Maybe I am still in a state of trauma from losing my best friend/boyfriend.
I just didn't see it coming, and although I broke up with him first,
I wasn't ready for it to happen.
I could have loved him forever; but I am glad to know now that he never felt the same.
Back to the coward thing -- why didn't he tell me sooner?
Guess I was just a fun, high school fling for him.
I think I am just super scared of empty promises and pretty eyes now.
I truly trusted him, then he let go.
Not only did he let go of our courting relationship,
he left me like the sad dust that floats in the air on a gravel road
after a pathetic, country, hick truck grinds the motor and zips away.
Yes, I have accepted the fact that I should never want to be with him again.
And I don't -- not like that.
I know (with the way he treated me so poorly during and after the breakup)
that I am thankful and rejoicing that God let this happen now
and not 5 years into the marriage he promised me.
Everything happens for a reason,
and I am so grateful that God ended it then.
Yet at the same time,
I don't want to let go of our friendship.
I just don't get how two people who once loved each other
so very much could just not speak anymore.
He was my best friend. I thought he knew everything about me
and loved me anyway.
Yes, I truly still believe he did.
I knew his flaws and loved him anyway.
I always will *smile*
I can't hate him, even with all the pain he caused.
I enjoyed our relationship, but even more than that
our trusting friendship.
Now, I am left feeling like I can't trust any friends.
Maybe tomorrow...they will all desert me.
I pray every night for God to make my heart new.
To not only patch it up, but completely heal it.
I want to trust again.
I want to fall in love again one day.
But now, now, I am simply afraid.
Afraid of being broken and left like trash again.
Wow, I just poured my heart out.
All of this is true.
In fact, I am absolutely too honest and lack a filter.
Oh well, if you are reading this, let me know your opinion.
Maybe pray for me.
Thanks for being my friend.
-Sophia
